you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
