You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
