remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
