Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize