There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
