you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
