That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
