My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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