Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
