i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
