Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
