??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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