fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
