Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
