too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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