I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
