Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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