Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
