I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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