I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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