is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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