I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She bit a glass in half.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
