I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
