your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Couch. On fire.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
