I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
