I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize