Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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