Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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