i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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