i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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