singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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