I think i peed on brittanys purse
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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