kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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