just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
