i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
