Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
