I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
