Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
