Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm really busy with my period
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