as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
