...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
