I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
