Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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