I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
