Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
