Where did you get a picture of my penis
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
