I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
