Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm experimenting with sincerity
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
