I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
