If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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