there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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