Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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