im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
