Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
