i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize