You work out of a Hotel?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
