her vagine was all disorganized.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
