dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Randomize
