we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
