I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
