I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
