So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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