That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I would fuck him just for his dog
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
