Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I am one with the molecules
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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