I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
