Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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