ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
you had me at cake vodka
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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