If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
